Conflict is a normal, necessary part of a successful team. Sometimes it’s peer-to-peer conflict; other times it’s leader-to-follower conflict.

It’s always uncomfortable.

And it usually leaves the primary recipient of the conflict licking their wounds back at their desk. “Did I just lose my job?”, they might ask themselves. “Does my leader think I’m an idiot now?” 

Just as it’s your job as the leader to initiate conflict, it’s also your job to assure the team that conflict is healthy and that mistakes are a normal part of a winning team.

Here are two big things you can do to leave your team member feeling confident even after the most heated battles.

First, don’t let the meeting end on a silent, sour note where everyone just gets up and crawls out of the room. Once the conflict has happened and your expectations have been clearly stated, give a few seconds of silence and end with something like, “Miscommunication is as much my fault as anyone’s. You guys are studs and I love working with you. I know we’re going to figure this thing out together.”

BAM.

You just infused them with super power adrenaline to go out and get the job done right. It says that you still believe in them, that the conflict isn’t fatal. Now end the meeting.

Next, if one or two people were the main recipients of the conflict, find a reason to walk by their desk that same day.

The reason doesn’t matter except that it should have nothing to do with the conflict. It can be related to some other project or it can be about the big game coming up this weekend. What it does is clearly tell them that the conflict didn’t end their career or do permanent damage. It was a normal conflict and it’s over. It lets them go home in the right frame of mind. Otherwise, I’ve found that a person who just got a heavy dose of correction decides that you still feel that way until you have some other interaction. That can be a few hours or a few weeks. (Hours is better.)